Hello my little Sugar Duplin:

Well it’s a me Bubba. I’m a gonna be goin and a pickin up Biscuit in da morning, it seems his a burnt wiener is a lookin good. Wait a dad burn minute, I don’t a mean his a winker is a lookin good, I ant even seen it yet, but that there man nurse done a told me it’s a lookin good, see I done knew she was a half a man.

We done got a Biscuits home commin signs a made up and we done nailed the to the barn, and we done painted a sign on the roof of that there barn fer everyone to read as they be a drivin down that there innerstate too. On the roof of that there barn we done painted, “Welcome home Biscuit, we glad your winker ant burnt no more.”  I knowed hes a gonna like it.

Well I done got some bad news bout Uncle Big eared Benny, hes done a gotten injured again so I’m a gonna have to go milk hisin cows fer him, on a count of his a hand bein a broke and all. See heard what done happened. We all done went down yonder to the church bingo, you knowed they have it a every Thursday night.

Well we done a got down there and a Uncle Big Eared Benny and hisin wife were a sittin right across from me. Well a Aunt  Barrel that’s a Uncle Big Eared Bennys wife, she done got her name cause when she was just a young whipper snapper, she done sat on one of them there moonshine barrels and it a collapsed causin she was a so big.

Well Aunt Barrel was a sittin next to him and a markin hern numbers off. Now a Aunt Barrel has a problem with her bowels, shes a always havin that there gas problems and a pootin all the time. It’s a probably from them there Lima beans shes a been a eattin. Now Aunt Barrel shes a big woman and when she a ripps one, look out cause the winds a gonna blow.

See heres what done happened. Uncle Big eared Benny was a dabbin hisin ink bottle and a Aunt Barrel was a doin the same, when that there decond called g-6, well a Aunt Barrel done a jumped up a yelling Bingo, but when she did, she done pushed Uncke Big Eared Bennys a arm down, and then she a lost her footin and a fell back down on herin butt, now what a happened next is some kind of unbelievable.

See what a happened was when she done, pushed hisin arm down it had that there ink bottle in hisin hand and she done fell back down on that there ink bottle and a Uncle Big Eared Bennys hand, well that there ink bottle went a right up Aunt Barrels butt crack and I mean a right up there. Well A Uncle Big Eared Benny done a went to screamin and a holler, people was a thinkin that they done a hit one of them there double bingo’s , which ant never happened in these here parts.

Well a Aunt Barrel done comed up off of that there bench just a screamin, bout that time she done a ripped one of them there poots out and it done blew that there ink bottle out hern butt and a right back behind her right onto the preachers wife. She done been blued like one of them there smurfs. She be a lookin like she done held hern breath fer a while. It was a some kind of crazy, a someone done yelled “we be a attacked by them there terrorist, it a one of them there chemical weapons.

It wernt till they done seen the back of a Aunt Barrels a butt and a how blued it were that they done figured it out. See the preachers a wife ant able to tell nobody causin that there bottle done hit hern between the eyes and done knocked her slap out. Well they done gived Aunt Barrel that there $6.00 and a ten cents and a asked her not to come back again.

The a preachers a wife will a be ok causin she only suffered from on of them there concussions. Well they done tooked Uncle Big Eared Benny to the Hospital and his a hand was a broke The a preachers wife has a knot big enough fer a baby calf to suck on.

I needs to get over yonder and a milk them there cow real quick like, and then I’m a gonna go a pick up Biscuit from the hospital so I’ll a be a written you soon. I was a lookin at yourn picture girl and you be a lookin a pretty than one of them expensive fish down there at that there WalMart, you knowed the kind, they a call simesses fightin fish. Well I gots to go pick up Biscuit so I’ll a be a talking to you later.

With all My Love and Money
Bubba

Ps I done went and a forgot to tell you bout Uncle Big Eared Benny getting hisin nipple a bit off by old Hazel the Mule